Ask yourself this question: Is it more important to be right or to be loving? Many arguments are rooted in each partner’s bull-headed need to be right, even about the most trivial topics. You’re driving to a restaurant and your partner turns right when you thought the faster route would have been to turn left. Do you say something? Is it really that important? Or do you breathe into your need to be right and choose to let it go?
“Don’t sweat the small stuff” means being willing to let go of the need to be right about the small stuff. You have a difference of opinion; let it go. You remember an event differently; let it go. As soon as you feel that tightness inside that indicates the need to be right or control, make a conscious choice to zip the lip and let it go. Your partner will feel the difference and your active silence will cultivate a loving garden in which your relationship can blossom.
What are you looking for when it comes to an intimate relationship? Knowing is the only way you have a chance of getting what you want. How would you feel right now if your intimate relationship was everything you wanted? If you could answer this question, then you have a good idea of what you really want. You may have even visualized actual events. This is good, you are on the right track.
Other reasons why knowing what you want is so important:
1. Knowing enables you to appreciate the relationship when you get it.
2. Knowing tells your brain what to focus on.
3. Knowing allows you to be excited and creates anticipation.
…but the most important reason is that it gives you power that no one can take away.
Think about how exciting it will be spending intimate time with your partner; the kind of excitement that makes you daydream, gets you unfocused (in a good way), and builds anticipation to the point where you can’t wait to hold them in your arms. If you had that, everyday challenges would seem minimal to you.
There are times when people get so excited about something that they seem to put the “blinders” on. There isn’t much from the outside world that can distract them. Events that upset them the day before, don’t seem that important today. A great work example is when people are thinking about going on their vacation the next week. It doesn’t matter what happens around them, they are focused on the amazing vacation. They use this in movies a lot and I am sure it has happened to you at least once. So if you have done it once, you can do it again. That is the power of knowing what you want.
So why not use that simple fact of human nature to make your love life something incredible. Get excited about knowing what you want. Get excited about getting what you want.
Arguing never boosted anyone’s love life. The fact is, in an intimate relationship, nobody wins an argument. There will be lingering bad feelings, which may lead to the retaliation tactic of withholding affection. You might have proved you were right and told them so, but you really lost in the long run when the dynamic of your relationship changed. It has nothing to do with being right or wrong, it is how you communicate that to the person you love.
For the most part, arguments are based on misunderstandings, unknown expectations, or conflicting strong beliefs. All of which do not have to end in a heated debate. Disagreements will arise in all relationships. If an amazing love life is your goal, you need to learn how to stop arguments before they destroy what you really want.
One way to avoid an argument is to know what triggers it. It’s very simple, your partner is going to defend themselves if you say or insinuate something that they perceive to be against:
1. What they believe, what they said, or what they did.
2. What they think you believe, what they think you said, or what they think you did.
In their defense, they are going to say how you are wrong. The cycle begins and a difference of views turns into a heated discussion, which can escalate to the point of no return. Words are said that just can’t be taken back and feelings for each other can be damaged forever. The solution is that one of you has to realize where it is heading and do something to change that outcome.
Sabotage is defined as: deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something). Why would you want to have any of these words associated with your love life?
Intimacy is defined as: close familiarity or friendship; closeness.
In a lot of relationships, the person who is doing the sabotaging never thinks it is them. In a way it makes sense, because who in their right mind would deliberately destroy the closeness they have with their partner? It doesn’t make sense, yet it happens every day.
Here are some examples of intimacy sabotage:
Think about it. Would you want to be on the receiving end of any of those examples? The answer should be no. So if you wouldn’t like it, what makes you think your partner is okay with it?